Daily Divination for November 28th, 2012

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a three card tarot spread with the ace o cups reversed, the page of swords reversed and the six of swords
Past Present Future

Past: The Ace of Cups Reversed

In the past, your home life was plagued with instability.

Present: The Page of Swords Reversed

Now, you are suffering through an illness.

Future: The Six of Swords

If things continue along this path, you will attempt to escape your past troubles by going on a long journey.

Internet, I know having a cold can be a terrible thing, but, really, it’s no excuse for foregoing your plan to move out of your mom’s basement and escape her constant criticism. Come on, you can do it, Internet. I believe in you!

 

Daily Divination for November 21st, 2012

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a three card tarot spread with the page of swords reversed, the ace of wands reversed and the two of pentacles reversed
Past Present Future

Past: The Page of Swords Reversed

In the past, you suffered through a long illness.

Present: The Ace of Wands Reversed

Now, you find yourself feeling helpless and you have to cancel your plans for the future.

Future: The Two of Pentacles Reversed

If things continue along this path, you will find yourself reading many books.

Internet, you ate some many Taco Bell®  Doritos® Locos Tacos Supremes that you now weigh over a ton and can’t get out of bed. You wash yourself with a rag on a stick. You’re going to spend a lot of your future reading comic books in bed while a nurse cleans out your folds. It’s everything you could have ever wished for.

Daily Divination for November 1st, 2012

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a three card tarot spread with the two of swords reversed, the page of swords reversed and the nine of cups
Past Present Future

Past: The Two of Swords Reversed

In the past, you have some treacherous and disloyal friends.

Present: The Page of Swords Reversed

Now, all of your past friends’ lies have been revealed, but you still feel powerless.

Future: The Nine of Cups

If things continue in this way, you will be able to move on from your past difficulties and get on with your life.

Internet, it turns out that most of your twitter followers were actually bots following you because of your overuse of hashtags. You feel upset, because most of your tweet have just been you shouting into a void. You’ll get some real followers eventually, but it might take a while.

Daily Divination for October 23rd, 2012

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a three card tarot spread with the page of swords reversed, the ten of cups and the five of wands reversed
Past Present Future

Past: The Page of Swords Reversed

In the past you knew a person that you later discovered was a fraud.

Present: The Ten of Cups

Now, you’ve overcome your dealings with this unscrupulous to create for yourself a life of love and contentment.

Future: The Five of Wands Reversed

Unfortunately, the horrible person from your past is going to return and trick you yet again.

Internet, you gave a person your Farmville password because they said they could get you lots of gold and special items. It turned out they were lying and they just stole all your cows instead. You’ve only just now gotten your farm back to the way you like it. Unfortunately, you’re going to fall for the same trick again in the future, because you are dumb.