Daily Divination for November 24th, 2012

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a three card tarot spread with the seven of pentacles reversed, the seven of wands and the high priestess
Past Present Future

Past: The Seven of Pentacles Reversed

In the past, a large loss of money caused you great anxiety.

Present: The Seven of Wands

Now, you have overcome your past troubles to gain success.

Future: The High Priestess

If things continue like this into the future, you will gain much knowledge and people will look to you as a teacher.

Internet, you spent way too much on Farmville microstransactions and you went broke. You have since turned things around and created a schedule and a budget plan for playing Farmville. You’ve started a blog about your playing strategy and, in the future, people are going to look to it as a great resource.

Daily Divination or November 23rd, 2012

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a three card tarot spread with the two of cups, the devil and death reversed
Past Present Future

Past: The Two of Cups

In the past, you got married to a very good friend.

Present: The Devil

Now, you are feeling tempted by another person with possibly evil intentions.

Future: Death Reversed

If things continue along this path, your life will falter and stagnate.

Internet, you entire guild should up in-game to attend your online wedding to your internet sweetheart. Things have been really good with your cyber spouse, but you’ve met a sexy new avatar that’s drawing your attentions away from your loved one. This new person is possibly just trolling you, but you still feel excitement every time your chat with them. Is it worth it to pursue this new relationship when will destroy your old one? No. Neither of these online-only relationships are worth anything. Go outside, you weirdo.

Daily Divination for November 22, 2012

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a three card tarot spread with the knight of cups, the devil reversed and the two of cups reversed
Past Present Future

Past: The Knight of Cups Reversed

In the past, you faced many challenges bravely.

Present: The Devil Reversed

Now, you find that your period of struggle is over and you are beginning on a path to enlightenment.

Future: The Two of Cups Reversed

If things continue along this path, your relationship will become troubled.

Internet, you started off as a warrior class, now you want to change to a mage class, but if you don’t stop playing Dungeons and Dragons all day and start paying attention to your significant other, you’re going to end up as a lonely class.

Daily Divination for November 21st, 2012

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a three card tarot spread with the page of swords reversed, the ace of wands reversed and the two of pentacles reversed
Past Present Future

Past: The Page of Swords Reversed

In the past, you suffered through a long illness.

Present: The Ace of Wands Reversed

Now, you find yourself feeling helpless and you have to cancel your plans for the future.

Future: The Two of Pentacles Reversed

If things continue along this path, you will find yourself reading many books.

Internet, you ate some many Taco Bell®  Doritos® Locos Tacos Supremes that you now weigh over a ton and can’t get out of bed. You wash yourself with a rag on a stick. You’re going to spend a lot of your future reading comic books in bed while a nurse cleans out your folds. It’s everything you could have ever wished for.

Daily Divination for November 20th, 2012

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a three card tarot spread with the three of pentacles, the eight of swords and the four of pentacles
Past Present Future

Past: The Three of Pentacles

In the past, you developed a great artistic ability.

Present: The Eight of Swords

Now, you have received some bad new and have entered a period of crisis.

Future: The Four of Pentacles

In the future, you will begin hoarding our possessions.

Internet, you are really good at Photoshop and have actually made a career in retouching photos for online gossip blogs. Unfortunately, every twelve-year-old with a computer knows Photoshop these days and they’re undercutting your rates. You’re having trouble finding work and things are getting dire. You’ve been going to the food bank, but you’ve been bringing home more food tan you can eat and your home is filling up with cans. You’re going to need a hoarding intervention soon.

Daily Divination for November 19th, 2012

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a three card tarot spread with death reversed, the seven of pentacles reversed and the queen of swords reversed
Past Present Future

Past: Death Reversed

In the past, you were slow to change.

Present: The Seven of Pentacles Reversed

Now, you find yourself out of money and anxious.

Future: The Queen of Swords Reversed

If things continue along this path, you will become a quick-tempered and narrow-minded person.

Internet, you just can’t handle the Web 2.0. You liked Web 0.63. You liked blinking text and “under construction” signs. You loved animated .gifs. These youngins don’t know from the internets. With their tumblrs and their instagrams and their stupid haircuts. They make you sick.