Daily Divination for October 9th, 2012

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a three card tarot spread with the nine of wands reversed, the page of wands and the wheel of fortune reversed
Past Present Future

Past: The Nine of Wands Reversed

In the past, there have been many obstacles in the way holding you back,

Present: The Page of Wands

Today, you find hat yo have made a trusted and loyal friend that helps you overcome your obstacles.

Future: The Wheel of Fortune Reversed

But, in the future, it looks like you will be unable to overcome your obstacles and you will suffer an ill fate.

Internet, you switched over to Windows Vista in that past and this was a very bad idea. Vista was buggy as all get out. You upgraded to Windows 7 as soon as you could. You’re going to do the same with Windows 8. This will be a bad idea. Windows 8 is going to be buggy as all get out.

Daily Divination for October 8th, 2012

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a three card tarot spread with the ten of pentacles reversed, the seven of cups reversed and the fool reversed
Past Present Future

Past: The Ten of Pentacles Reversed

In the past you have made poor financial decisions and lost a great deal of money.

Present: The Seven of Cups Reversed

Now, you have turned things around and are started to attain the things that you desire.

Future: The Fool Reversed

If things continue along this course, you past failures will cause you to be hesitant with your decisions and you will start losing the ground you have since gained.

Internet, you bought facebook shares. This was a very bad idea. You lost all the money. You have since started making better decision, but you’ve become risk averse. I’m here to tell you that, yes, starting a tumblr all about shark attacks is a good idea.

Daily Divination for October 7th, 2012

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Alright, so the world didn’t end today. What are you gonna do? Sue me?

a three card tarot spread with the knight of wands, the queen of wands reversed and the three of swords reversed
Past Present Future

Past: The Knight of Wands

In the past, you went on a long journey to escape your troubles.

Present: The Queen of Wands Reversed

Now, you find yourself in a strange land with people whose way of life you find disgusting.

Future: The Three of Swords Reversed

In things continue in this way, you will find yourself alienated from your fellow man and unable to cope.

Internet, you decided to turn off your computer and go outside, but you found out that the outdoors is filled with active people, like, jogging and stuff. You find it really annoying and you’d go back inside, but you’ve locked yourself out. You’d call a locksmith, but your crippling social anxiety disorder prevents you from using a phone.

Daily Divination for October 6th, 2012

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a three card tarot spread with strength reversed, the two of cups and a blank card
Past Present Future

Past: Strength Reversed

In the past, you suffered a major illness that caused you weakness that lasted a long time.

Present: The Two of Cups

Despite your past misfortune, you find yourself deeply in love, now, with a partner that understands you.

Future: Blank

There is no future.

Internet, your ass-mar got the better of you for awhile, but that cute goth chick has finally come around and decided to go to the convention with you. Too bad the world is ending tomorrow.

Daily Divination for October 5th, 2012

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a three card tarot spread with the two of swords, the hanged man and the page of pentacles reversed
Past Present Future

Past: The Two of Swords

In the past your intuition has served as your main strength. You were able to achieve balance and harmony easily.

Present: The Hanged Man

Today, you find yourself at a stalemate, unable to move forward. Your creative force has been used up.

Future: The Page of Pentacles Reversed

If things do not change, you will find yourself in an unending creative slump, which ends in financial ruin.

Internet, you jumped on the tumblr bandwagon before anybody else and created the best “faces on inanimate objects” blog of all time, but you’re running out of things to put faces on and people are losing interest. Your ad revenue is plummeting. You need to come up with a new idea!

Daily Divination for October 4th, 2012

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a three card tarot spread with the emperor, the five of wands reversed and the chariot reversed
Past Present Future

Past: The Emperor

In the past, you have clung to order and deferred to those in a position of authority.

Present: The Five of Wands Reversed

Right now, you trying and failing to imitate those authority figures that you looked up to.

Future: The Chariot Reversed

If things continue on this path, your willpower will be broken and you will be left dejected and powerless.

So, Internet, you were hanging around on a forum and you thought “Hey! Being a mod looks like fun. I’m going to make a forum of my own!”. Well, it isn’t so fun now, is it? These trolls are going to break you, kid. It doesn’t matter how many times you break out the banhammer, you’re never going to achieve order. Just go back to reddit and hang your head in shame.