Daily Divination for November 20th, 2012

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a three card tarot spread with the three of pentacles, the eight of swords and the four of pentacles
Past Present Future

Past: The Three of Pentacles

In the past, you developed a great artistic ability.

Present: The Eight of Swords

Now, you have received some bad new and have entered a period of crisis.

Future: The Four of Pentacles

In the future, you will begin hoarding our possessions.

Internet, you are really good at Photoshop and have actually made a career in retouching photos for online gossip blogs. Unfortunately, every twelve-year-old with a computer knows Photoshop these days and they’re undercutting your rates. You’re having trouble finding work and things are getting dire. You’ve been going to the food bank, but you’ve been bringing home more food tan you can eat and your home is filling up with cans. You’re going to need a hoarding intervention soon.

Daily Divination for November 19th, 2012

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a three card tarot spread with death reversed, the seven of pentacles reversed and the queen of swords reversed
Past Present Future

Past: Death Reversed

In the past, you were slow to change.

Present: The Seven of Pentacles Reversed

Now, you find yourself out of money and anxious.

Future: The Queen of Swords Reversed

If things continue along this path, you will become a quick-tempered and narrow-minded person.

Internet, you just can’t handle the Web 2.0. You liked Web 0.63. You liked blinking text and “under construction” signs. You loved animated .gifs. These youngins don’t know from the internets. With their tumblrs and their instagrams and their stupid haircuts. They make you sick.

Daily Divination for November 18th, 2012

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a three card tarot spread with the queen of wands, the hermit reversed and strength
Past Present Future

Past: The Queen of Wands

In the past, you had a meaningful friendship with a very kind woman.

Present: The Hermit Reversed

Now, you find yourself acting immaturely and committing foolish acts.

Future: Strength

If things continue in his way, you will find yourself committing an act of valor.

Internet, your mom is your best friend. Well, actually, your only friend. So, why, when you are visiting her house, do you use her computer to troll others on the internet? An internet detective is going to mistake her for the real troll and you’re going to have to swoop in and save her from a drama bomb!

Daily Divination for November 17th, 2012

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a three card tarot spread with the seven of cups reversed, the wheel of fortune reversed and the hanged man
Past Present Future

Past: The Seven of Cups Reversed

In the past, you had many desires and the willpower to attain them.

Present: The Wheel of Fortune Reversed

Now, you find tat outside forces are interfering with your goals.

Future: The Hanged Man

If things continue along this path, you will find your life stagnating and you will be unable to move forward.

Internet, you have always had strong Google-fu, but you’ve recently been hit very hard in the head and your vocabulary has suffered. Without proper medical attention, you will be unable to think up the synonyms you need to find the obscure websites with the rare information you need. Poor you and stuff.

Daily Divination for November 16th, 2012

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a three card tarot spread with the knight of swords reversed, the sun reversed and the four of cups reversed
Past Present Future

Past: The Knight of Swords Reversed

In the past, you made impulsive mistakes.

Present: The Sun Reversed

Now, you find yourself all alone and unhappy.

Future: The Four of Cups Reversed

If things continue along this path, things will eventually turn around and you will be able to make new friends.

Internet, all you did was argue with the alpha fedora-wearing brony, that that there was not such thing as a “fake geek”. You didn’t know it would get you extradited from the “Friends of Equestria” fanclub forever. Don’t you worry though, next year the rebut of Sailor Moon starts and you’ll have another chance to appropriate and obsess over a show aimed at little girls. You’ll totally understand it better than them, though. Cartoons are wasted on the youth.

Daily Divination for November 15th, 2012

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a three card tarot spread with the four of wands, the five of cups reversed and the six of cups reversed
Past Present Future

Past: The Four of Wands

In the past, you experienced a harmonious romance.

Present: The Five of Cups Reversed

Now, your romance has hit a rough patch, but you are pulling through it.

Future: The Six of Cups Reversed

If things continue along this path, you will find yourself coming upon new opportunities.

Internet, never has a person loved a machine more than you. Your love affair with your laptop is legendary. Sure, there was a bit of a rough patch recently when its hard drive fail, but together you both pulled through and soon you will reach new horizons by learning C++ together. Have at it, you crazy kids!